I don't want this, I don't need this, but most of all, I don't deserve this.

I have done a lot of hard things.
but this makes the top 5.
after this I'm done.
no more hoping, wanting, waiting. no more anything.
you have had my heart for around a year now.
365 days...and i can finally say I'm through.
don't get me wrong. i have liked other
guys. but none of them even came close.

I'm writing this no longer in anger, no longer in bitterness, no longer in love.

I'm listening to summer songs and each one makes me think of you. Each one reminds me of summer days in your arms and summer nights with you on my mind. Truth is, you were always on my mind. Every guy who hit on me, I was wishing it were you. Truth is, you were my one.

I still remember everything you've ever told me. You're a picture in my head that I'll never be able to erase. You left me but I never left you. Maybe you thought I did, I know you think I hate you.

I can't believe you'd think that. I could never hate you.

I may not be IN love with you anymore, but I love you. I love you for reasons that don't make any sense. I love your sense of humor, how you could turn anything into a joke and anything could make you smile. I love how you have fun at home with your little sister. I love how you would bite your lip a little when you were nervous. I could go on and on...but I'll leave it at that.

But you never loved me in that way, did you? No, you loved me in the only way you could without getting too attached. You were always a little emotionally vacant. I'd be with you, and I could see pain in your eyes. I could see you hiding something from me. I never questioned it, never asked you about it, because I accepted it as a part of you. You're the worst of heartbreakers, because you never meant to break my heart. You only hoped to somehow complete your own.

I think you're amazing. I think you're going to make a girl really happy one day. God knows you made me happy, and all you had to do was talk to me. I could never describe how you made me feel. It took me months to reach this, but here it is. I hope you find everything you're looking for. I hope all your dreams come true. I hope you find someone that's perfect for you.

And as for me, I'll never stop waiting for you. I can't. I've stopped hoping for you to come, I can't do that to myself. I've got to give other guys a chance, I owe it to myself to let myself free. I can't rely on you to come through for me, but if you ever needed me, I'd be there in a heartbeat. My heart's waiting on you, always. And if life ever gets crazy, and you need somewhere to be, my door's always open. My heart's always open.

You'll probably never see this. But I hope, somehow, right now you're feeling a little better. Even if you don't know why.

i can only imagine who all is going to think this about themselves.